Finding Peace
Finding Peace
My wish for everyone this year is to have a peaceful and relaxing Christmas and New Year because this is what I have been trying hard to achieve for myself.
I realize that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to letting myself be peaceful.
I struggle because peace comes at a cost. To move in the direction of peace, most of the time I first must let go, but I don’t want to let go of anything! Finding peace is a tug a war. I just want things to stay exactly as they are, and for everything and everyone around me to be peaceful. I figure if others are peaceful then I will be peaceful. But that isn’t the case.
When I am around people that create chaos, I get frustrated. I want them to change so everything can stay the same because I don’t like leaving people behind, even if they make things very ‘unpeaceful’. I love them and want them to stay in my life. It feels so unfair. But I cannot control people, if they don’t want to live peacefully, I can’t force them, no matter how much I try. Peacefulness requires a lot of weeding.
In my search for peace, I have had to let go of so much. And believe me, I didn’t let go peacefully, I let go with a lot of kicking and screaming. I felt sorry for myself, cried a lot and felt like the world was against me. I don’t want to let go of anything in my life as I really, really dislike change. I desperately wanted these things in my life. But I have been persistent! I have endured and I have let go!
- I have let go of eating sugar.
- I have let go of drinking caffeinated drinks.
- I have let go of not using my phone as much.
- I have moved across the Country.
- I have let go of people who create chaos around themselves.
- I do the intermittent fasting thing and only eat between 11 and 5.
- I am letting go of the circle of thoughts that go through my head and drag me down.
- I have let go of dreams that weren’t working out.
When I read this list, logic tells me, “Of course Charlene! How could you possibly find peace with these things in your life?” But desperately wanted these things in my life. Over the last 2 years I have been persistent! I have endured and I have let go of a lot and I continue to let go!
Every time I weed something out it feels like a loss that I need to grieve. I still grieve everything on my list from time to time. But as I replace dopamine hits, adrenalin boosters and excitement with peace, the tears get fewer and farther in between, my life gets more balanced and I am getting off of the roller coaster ride as the old gets replaced with the new.
I am filling my days with some of the same things as I always do and some new things.
- I walk and explore new areas.
- I surround myself with genuine, kind people.
- I work in healthy surroundings.
- I eat less food and the food I eat is healthier.
- I have incorporated gratitude into my life.
- I have created a weaving course called Weave Your Story that gives the weaver a visual representation of their life: past, present and future. The piece reminds the weaver how they want to feel in their future instead of what material objects they want to consume. All the people that take this course feed my soul as they are also on a quest for peace and personal understanding.
Most of the time I don’t miss the things on the list, even sugar. I can go to a bakery and find the one thing that has no sugar and enjoy it. Giving myself these parameters narrows down my choices which takes away stress. There have been studies that prove that more choice makes us less happy. As I move through my life choosing peace, my options get narrower and I also feel happier, life is simpler. Every wise person preaches these concepts, but it is hard to choose peace because it usually is accompanied by letting go of something.
Those something’s has the ability to make me feel big, strong, and grand emotions that make me feel very alive. Sugar for example makes my heart race, it gives my body energy, giving me a false sense of happiness. It delights my tastebuds and after one taste it has me craving more and more. Peace on the other hand sounds boring and dull in comparison. But as I sit here writing in a state of peacefulness I would rather feel: my steady calm heart rate, no sense of urgency, and contentedness compared to the effects of sugar.
Moving into the New Year I am thinking of what more I can let go of so that I can find more peace. Even writing these words I can fill my stomach start to feel anxious. I think letting go of the tv would be a good idea but I’ll leave it just as an idea for now.
So why am I writing this? To let you know you can do it! You can let go. It will be hard for awhile but after that peace will invade your life and the hard things will get easier.
May your new year be filled with love, relaxation, and peacefulness.